Parenting non-pleaser children is a tough, tough job.
Enjoying Nana time on an autumn walk around our acreage.
Embracing the Non-Pleaser Path
There are pleasers and there are non-pleasers.
And a very few fence sitters who may be swayed one way or the other.
-Parents prefer pleasers. Who’s got time for a non-pleaser?
-If a parent has never had a non-pleaser, they can think they’re great at this parenting thing and all parents should do like they do.
Pleasers make parents look good.
The Non-Pleaser Challenge: A Parent’s Perspective
-Parents of non-pleasers spend most of their time feeling they’ve just been flung off an exceptionally fast moving merry-go-round.
They’re confused, sick to their stomach and feel like everyone must be wondering what is wrong with them.
-Non-pleasers don’t make parents look good (and don’t give a darn)!
Navigating Misconceptions: Pleasers vs. Non-Pleasers
-Parents of pleasers think pleasers going through a difficult stage must be non-pleasers.
While parents of a non-pleaser can tell you there’s nothing even remotely similar between the two.
-Religious parents like pleasers because it’s easy to think their pleasers are assimilating their religious upbringing and all will be well with them. Plus, they continue to make parents look good.
-Religion likes pleasers because they just make everything about religion more pleasant and, let’s be honest, there’s always an immense need for volunteers in places of worship.
-The educational system likes pleasers. It takes a tremendous amount of creativity, time and individual attention to graduate, successfully, a non-pleaser. Again, who’s got time for that?!
-Culture likes pleasers because no one gets uncomfortable when everyone is doing and saying the same thing. There’s easy validation and security of rightness that is oh-so-satisfying when it’s mutual agreement and lock-step all around.
A Shout-Out to Parents: Raising Non-Pleaser Children
This is a shout out, an “I see you” to those parents who are courageously raising a non-pleaser, without trying to turn them into a pleaser.
If you have a non-pleaser, you already know that ain’t gonna work out well for you, anyhow!
And to those parents taking their “sitting on the fence kid” and encouraging them to go down the non-pleaser path, I salute you!
The Lonely Path: Encouraging Individuality
It’s a lonely path for parents and for non-pleasers alike.
It often feels like everyone is calling for them to fall in line.
Get with the program.
Conform to the expectations.
Do it right!
Strategies for Success: Parenting Non-Pleaser Children
It takes an ungodly amount of patience, a willingness to be open-minded, the ability to listen on levels that some don’t even know exist…
Lost sleep…lots of lost sleep…
Insane amounts of creativity,
And the courage to ‘do it afraid’ to nurture a non-pleaser safely to adulthood.
The Reward: Celebrating the Non-Pleaser’s Journey
They shipwreck more easily and it takes longer for them to arrive safely into the calmer waters of full-fledged, productive adulthood.
But once there… oh, once there… they are forces to be reckoned with in the best possible way!
They become indomitable leaders with tenacity and fortitude.
Incredible visionaries with the courage to do those things everyone around them says can’t be done.
They stand like solid rock when waves of peer pressure to be or to do the “accepted or expected thing” is drowning everybody else around them.
They shake up those accepted dogmas, be they political, religious or cultural.
And then they have the stubbornness to stick around and do the work to make sure something healthier happens.
A mouse nestled into his grass nest up against our chicken coop. I saw him there one morning while doing chores.
Conclusion: Embrace Your Parenting Quest
So don’t despair and don’t give in to the pressure to turn your non-pleaser into a pleaser.
The world has plenty of those.
It needs the carefully, lovingly nurtured non-pleaser. That one who may be struggling under your roof right this minute.
You can do this, parent.
You can!
You may need to make some adjustments, correct your course, give up something you think you can’t live without, seek wise counsel…
but you can do it.
And when you do, you will be so relieved… and crazy proud…of them and you!
Parenting is a tough, tough job.
Successfully parenting a non-pleaser is the toughest job of them all.
Engage with Me: Share Your Story
Are you parenting a non-pleaser child?
What has been your biggest challenge?
I’d love to hear from you. Comment below or email me at Sarah@herheartathome.com.
For today’s family favorite, I chose this recipe. I found it a few years ago and all of us love it. Even my “I hate mushrooms” guy. I don’t use the traditional top ramen packages. I use the organic millet and brown rice ramen noodles from Lotus. Enjoy!
Until next time!
Sarah
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