When Patience Runs Thin: Extending Grace to Your Children

Embracing Grace In Trials: Mothering Lessons from the Heart

Quiet Reflections

As I went to bed last night, I was looking forward to being able to sleep in a bit, leisurely wake, then get to work on a list that had grown too long. I woke at 6:20 completely unaware I was about to be face one of my biggest extending grace to children tests up to that time in my mothering journey.

I was happy with that wake up time. It gave me a chance to lie there and let my mind dwell on the things swirling in my heart.

Prayer and Perspective Shifts

Immediately, my mind went to a dear friend. My prayers, along with those of many others, have been with this sweet friend who is battling cancer.

I’ve been ‘stuck’ in my thoughts for a while.

I’d been talking to God and just saying, “I believe, God, You have the power to heal. Yet, I don’t see You healing much, if ever. Still, in this one instance, would You reach out, touch and heal?”

Questioning Illness: A Shift in Perception

As clear as a bell, the thought “who said she’s sick?” was there.

I was stunned. Of course she’s sick, I thought.

“From your perspective,” came the countering reply.

Since that time, I’ve been doing a lot of pondering.

I’ve become pretty sure God doesn’t, and hasn’t, seen my friend as sick since that time she entrusted her life into His capable hands.

Embracing a Different Perspective

I know for sure he doesn’t define life/living with the same definitions that I use and His perspective differs greatly from mine.

Musing on all this yet again, I lay struggling to form a prayer I could pray in solid faith.

Returning to the one I’ve been gripped by most recently.

Deepening Faith Through Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven, kept holy be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven…

Pondering, searching as I listened to the words all the way to the end.

I laid there, in the quiet of the early morning, and settled on the prayer I pray more than any other: “Jesus.”

Most of the time, I don’t know what else to pray in solid faith.

Preparing for Reunion and Routine Disruptions

Swinging my legs out of bed, my mind swung in a different direction. On April 24th my husband drove out our driveway, on his way to a job, and hasn’t been home since.

People ask me, how do you do it?

Some say, wow, you’re way stronger than me.

I doubt that.

And as far as “how do I do it”? I do what I have to do…just like most all of us do.

As I got ready for the day, my mind was on the fact that he was coming home for a few days on Sunday. This is exciting, but it’s also complicated. When you’re apart so much, you get used to being ‘single’.

When time home is just a visit, well, it can be hard.

Readjust, but don’t readjust so much that you have to readjust back again a few days later.

Morning Surprises: When Patience Runs Thin

My thoughts were running along the lines of my friend’s deep need and my husband coming home when I walked out the door to open our chicken coop for the day.

I got three steps out the door and heard a beeping noise that I DID NOT want to hear.

Our house and our hot water system are heated by an outdoor wood boiler. We stoke it daily. When the stove is open, there’s a beep that lets you know the system is opened up. This beep almost certainly meant that the fire had burned itself out.

Which was unfortunate. Rebuilding it was NOT on my list of things to do this rainy morning.

Catastrophe at the Boiler: A Test of Patience

But as I got to the boiler, thoughts of my friend, my husband, and my hope of morning coffee fled. Not only was the beep present, but the door was fully open!

THIS was a terrible development.

As I took in the scene, I realized that the water chamber lid had popped entirely off and the roof was covered in dark stains where the water had boiled over and then steamed dry.

This mess was also running down the sides.

This meant the water had been boiling so hard it had boiled up and over. And then probably boiled dry inside the boiler itself, which would be bad indeed if that were the case.

Fighting for Calm: Our boiler In Crisis

I walked around the boiler to read what the water level indicator read and turn on the overflow valve…bone dry.

By now, I was quite concerned.

If the water had boiled away, our $13,500 boiler would be ruined. Along with our ability to heat the house, take hot showers or have any hot water at all.

Choosing Grace Over Anger

My thoughts flew to our 16-year-old son, who was now peacefully sleeping in his bed. It had been his job to stoke the boiler the night before.

He had been told many times to make sure he closed the boiler door tight before walking away. It wasn’t hard to know if it had closed. The beep didn’t stop until the door was locked.

For a heartbeat, I considered just dealing with the whole mess myself.

The prospect of rousing my son and handling whatever his 16-year-old self would display since he had no intention of waking up so soon; on top of dealing with the boiler mess and restarting the fire, just seemed way too much for me to handle on this already dreary, rainy morning.

However, I tossed that idea almost as soon as I had it.

For one, I doubted I could get it going by myself, and two, he’d left the door open.

He needed to help fix the problem that had created.

So, I headed back to the house.

Confronting Challenges: Choosing Grace Over Frustration

As I walked, my emotions were screaming for attention.

This was not how I planned to spend my morning!

I had a beautiful list I was excited about tackling today! Which didn’t seem likely to happen at all now.

There was enough on my mind already, without this new disaster.

And WHAT if the boiler was ruined?

WHERE were we ever going to come up with the money, let alone the time, to replace it?

HOW would I ever deal with all of that while my husband was hundreds of miles away in a remote Alaska town?

As I walked towards the house, my agitation, annoyance and stress grew.

The Power of Grace in Parenting

I walked into the house and headed toward my son’s bedroom.

But as I walked through the kitchen, I was arrested by one word: Grace.

It stopped me in my tracks.

Thoughts flooded through me.

A child doesn’t become a grace giving adult unless grace is modeled for, and given to, him.

Give grace.

No one can give something they don’t have.

If YOU don’t give him grace, who will?

How will he get it and have it in order to give it himself?

Extending Grace to Children

Okay, fine, I thought.

I won’t charge in there and blow my stack, like I was intending to do, but I AM going to make him understand just how bad this could turn out.

Almost instantaneously, I thought of times where I knew I’d messed up and my mess up kept being brought up, long after I had understood I’d messed up.

Disappointed someone.

Said something hurtful.

Done something stupid, thoughtless, immature…

My thoughts went on; you felt that lack of grace.

It’s painful. It damages. Extend grace.

Even if we have no heat?

No hot water?

And no boiler for making either?

Even if we have to pay $13,500 or more?

How would we even come up with that amount of money?

It’s pouring rain and now I have to clean out ashes and restart a fire with wet wood? Even still? After all those things?

Really?

Are you sure giving grace is the best way to get these points across?

My mind replied; yes, even in all those things.

Give Grace, So Grace Can Be Given

Grace.

It’s been given to you.

You’ve experienced it.

You’ve been affected by it.

It’s changed your perspective, your heart and your life.

Extend it. Give it, even when he is unaware that it’s being given.

He will assimilate it.

It will collect; pool in him.

And because it’s there, when someone else needs it, he will have it to give.

Give him grace.

So, I walked into his bedroom and said, “Son, wake up. The fire is out in the wood boiler. I need you to help me restart it.”

So, together with grace, we did.

As you seek to give grace in difficult situations, here are a few tips I’ve found helpful to remember.

Practical Tips for Extending Grace to Your Children:

• Pause and Reflect: Before reacting to a frustrating situation, take a moment to calm down and consider the best approach.
• Communicate Calmly: Speak to your child with a calm and understanding tone, explaining the issue and how it can be resolved.
• Model Grace: Show grace in your actions and words so that your child can learn by example.
• Forgive Quickly: Let go of grudges and focus on the lesson rather than the mistake.

What About You:

Have you ever faced a similar situation where you needed to extend grace to your child? How did you handle it?

What are some challenges you face when trying to extend grace in your mothering?

Share your grace-filled mothering stories in the comments below.

Your experiences can inspire others!

Or email me at sarah@herheartathome.com.

This post’s family favorite recipe fits well with the rain and cold described in today’s blog. It’s a favorite during the autumn days when the cold creeps ever closer. You’ll find it here. The only adjustments I make are leaving out the corn and throwing in a handful of grated cheese.

Until next time,

Sarah

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